Friday, June 25, 2010

Disfiguring My Child

I ripped Evelynn's umbilical stump off. I don't know how it happened, it must have gotten caught on her shirt or perhaps I bent it back somehow while carrying her on my shoulder. What I can say for sure is that it was not ready. My first concern was that her intestines would fall out, but then the superficial in me overpowered and I feared that I had cursed her with an outie. Not just an outie, that would be one thing, but a crooked outie. A halfer-button. Half innie, half outie, fully confused. I feel like such an asshole.

The nurse assured me that her intestines would stay on the inside, but she couldn't tell me the fate of Evie's bellybutton. If she has an ugly-button, it's totally my fault. That's a lot of guilt to carry.

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