I have a job. I hate it.
I don't hate the job really, well at least not yet, but I hate that I actually have to leave the house to get there. All this time, I've been bitching about how lonely it is to be a stay-at-home mom, how boring nap time can be, how sad it is that the highlight of my day is matching Jeffrey's million pairs of socks. But now that I've actually left the house, not once, twice, I would much rather be staring at my baby while she naps than sitting in some training session supplementing our income. What if I miss something? What if Mady's first word is "MaMa" and I'm not there to hear it? What if she crawls to the bathroom and destroys her first roll of toilet paper while I'm inquiring if some stupid stranger 'wants fries with that'? I would cry. Angry bursts of tears, probobly accompanied by childish screams of "it's not fair!!". And it's not fair. Why can't everyone just have their damn cake AND eat the high calorie goodness?
I will miss some firsts. The only semi-good thing about this is that Jeffrey will get to experience his own firsts with Madelynn. I feel like he's been missing a lot, seeing his baby do amazing things on a little camera screen instead of in the front row where I've been sitting all this time. Sure, she rolls for him, laughs at "the diaper song" when he sings it, saves up enough drool to give him his fair share when he gets home, but I've gotten all the firsts. First smile, first roll, first laugh, first thumb sucking success, and the first look at her love for a silly purple kitty. Plus a million "etcs".
Another super point is that Jeffrey finally realizes what my days are like. The past two days I've been gone, for six hours straight, Jeffrey has been playing Mr. Mom. When I walked in last night, he said, "I thought babysitting Mady would mean I could play Call of Duty the whole time. That's definitely not the case". I had to laugh. Play video games all day? Yeah right. He's lucky he showered before I left or he wouldn't ever get that either. Downside? Mady hates tummy time, and as soon as she starts crying, I pick her up. I just can't stand to see her face smooshed into the carpet with tears coming from her eyes. What does Jeffrey do? Lets her cry. He sits there and tells her if she doesn't stay on her stomach, she'll never crawl, walk, or sit. He's trying to reason with a 3 month old. I hate that.
Mady will do everything in her own time, whether she's early, late, or right on time by those silly developmental standards. And just because someone else's baby does something, doesn't mean she has to. I'm fine with letting her be a baby for as long as she wants. I don't want a prodigy, I just want a happy, healthy baby. If she has to crawl to kindergarten, I'll let him say "I told you so".
As long as I can get this through Jeffrey's head, maybe working won't be so bad.