Tomorrow will be October. My baby will be five months old on Tuesday. How did this happen? That means there's only one month left until she's six months. Half a year.
Everyone told me that time would fly, that babies are only babies for such a short time. I didn't realize just how fast it would go though. I feel like she's only going to be a baby for another six months, then bam I'll have a toddler, bam a preschooler, bam a big kid, and then the ultimate bam, teenager. Good God, I feel old.
I'm already starting to notice things I miss. When she was a newborn, her body would just kind of mold into mine, like we fit together and could almost be the same person as she slept. Now though, she's all kicking legs and waving arms, craning her neck to watch the cat, smacking me in the face and pulling on my lips and cheeks. When she cries, I can't help but feel like she's doing it just to see what I'll do. When toys are thrown but she still wants them, I feel like she's testing me. My little manipulative baby. We used to cuddle whenever I felt like it, pretty much all the time, but now I only get cuddles if it's convenient for her, when she's tired and the cat's in the other room.
As much as I miss my tiny little Madelynn, the new bigger Mady is so much fun, I hardly have time to think about four months ago. She's constantly busy, playing with this, chewing on that, exploring and learning and babbling, spitting in my face as she blows those raspberries that I should have never applauded. Her smiles are bigger, her eyes literally light up when she sees something new, her reflection sends her into gales of giggles, and she makes me laugh out loud at least fifty times a day. Today I had a moment that I've had before, randomly maybe every three weeks. I looked at my baby and thought 'If she stayed just like this forever, it would be perfect'. I had thought the same thing weeks ago, and weeks before that. Every time I have that thought, it's completely true, she's absolutely perfect. Every time this happens, it's better than the last. I imagine this is the way it's going to be. I'll miss a few small things, but with every turn of the calender page, Madelynn will be more fun, more perfect, more loved, if it's at all possible.
So instead of looking back and feeling loss, feeling like my baby is gone, I'm going to look forward to that 'She's perfect right now' thought that I'm sure I'll continue to have for the rest of her life.
Or maybe until she's 16. We'll see.