Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Chilly Daymares

When I walked to my car today, I felt my fingers instantly freeze. There were all these little sleet ball things smacking my nose. When did it get so damn cold? I despise Pennsylvania every time this season pounds me in the face. Why was fall so short? What I can't seem to figure out this year, is exactly how you leave the house with a baby. We have snuggly suits, and of course lots of layers, but what about Mady's little nose? Will it freeze off the second we walk outside? I have daymares about it. *I let the car warm up for half hour. I take the baby outside, thinking that by making a mad dash down all those stairs, I can keep that tiny nose attached to her face. I just have to run fast, straight to the warm car. I get to the car and slam the carseat in the back. I'm trying to remove the twenty-five blankets covering Mads, but when I get to the last blanket, I find that there's a huge gaping hole where her nose used to be. And we can't find it. I think if I can find her nose, they can sew it back on. But it's gone. I'm panicked! Did she eat it? She doesn't have enough teeth! It must have melted. Oh shit, it melted away.* Horror.

What about snow? How the hell do I keep snow from pummeling her forehead and removing all the heat from her body, leaving her a baby popsicle minus one nose?

Ice patches! Crossing an ice patch with a 20lb. baby and a 20lb. carseat in the same arm? I would fall flat on my ass, losing grip of the carseat, unable to stop it as it slides across the ice straight into oncoming traffic, her little arms waving while she cries, "stop me Mommy, stop me!" The wind wants to tear our balcony off. It probably wants my baby too. No way. No effing way.

A little morbid? Unwholesomely gloomy? I can't help it.

We won't be leaving the house this winter. Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the New Year will just have to come to us. Screw this weather, and screw you too, Pennsylvania.

(Unwholesomely is in fact a word.)

No comments: