Friday, October 31, 2008

Nap Crap

There's no schedule around this house. Madelynn eats when she's hungry, sleeps when she's tired, and pretty much chews on whatever she wants, whenever she wants. It just works for us. Most of the time.

Today, we had a pretty busy morning, I was doing laundry and Mads was helping me chew on fold clothes. With all that busy work, putting her to sleep for her first nap was a breeze. I rocked maybe three times and she was out, so out I was able to deposit her in her crib with no problem. I chose this nap time to do some cleaning, thinking I would use the next one to shower and get ready for work. So play, play, play, and fast forward to three hours later. This baby is just now starting to show signs of being sleepy, so I take to the glider and rock, rock, rock. Nope. She just wasn't ready. Back to the floor, I throw a couple toys at her head, and thirty seconds later she's ready to sleep. To the rocking chair. I'm rocking and rocking and her eyes are just fluttering and fluttering. Twenty minutes later. Half hour later. I keep doing clock checks and I realize I'm running out of time.

It's times like these when I hate am totally jealous of the mothers on Babycenter that are always writing about how they can just throw their kid in the crib, walk away, and the baby will just go to sleep on their own and stay that way for two hours. Yeah right. These women are either full of shit, or they're sedating their child five minutes before nap time.

So anyways, I'm getting a little flustered when finally Mads' eyes close and it appears that they're going to stay that way. Stop rock. Flutter. Rock! Rocking, rocking, asleep. Stop rock. Still asleep. Stand. Oh shit. Grunt, fuss, flail. I'm just a little perturbed by now and I'm ready to try something new. Plus, the glider cushion has permanently indented to show just how big my ass is after this pregnancy, and I don't want that proof just sitting in my living room. I had just read this morning about the "pat method" and I was willing to try it so that I could go to work without an offending odor. So I take Madelynn to her crib, lay her on her stomach, and start pounding her on the back at one second intervals. The instructions said to pat hard enough for her little head to bobble, so I up the pounds and watch her head jiggle. This is the dumbest thing ever. But wait, it's working! Mady's eyes close and I slow the pat. PAT..PAT..PAT..PAt..Pat..pat..pat..pat................

My arm is tired, it's another twenty minutes later, but this baby is finally asleep. I do a little happy dance by her crib before I silently tip-toe out of the room. I haven't even made it to the bathroom before I hear !!BANG!! The guy downstairs has just shot a rocket launcher from his living room to his kitchen and now pots and pans are flying through the air and pounding off his ceiling! Actually, I don't know what the hell he was doing, but the thud was loud enough to shake my whole apartment. I had just long enough to hope that he lost both arms in the explosion when I hear, "wah..wah..WAHHHH!!"

So here I sit, unshowered, with Madelynn hoovered to my chest, fast asleep. I can't yank her off because it wakes her up and then the grunts start. I'm probably going to have to buy a new glider cushion.

I hate all of my neighbors.

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