Thursday, October 30, 2008


I live on the top floor, and right next door to me there are about seventeen teenagers living in a three bedroom apartment. They're loud, they throw cigarette butts on my doormat, they stomp up and down those damn wooden stairs like they're trying to stomp the fuck out of a colony of cockroaches or something. They throw parties on Monday nights, have vomit gatherings in their master bathroom (which is a small ass bathroom by the way), and scream at their gigundous barking dog 22 hours a day. I can live with all of this. Hey, I'm not like old or anything! What really, really bothers me, is their use of the parking lot. You only get one main space at these apartments, you get one permit for one car to park right in front of the building, and any other car has to park a mere 20 feet away in visitor parking. Really, it's not that far. I have to park there, so I should know. Those little ass-shats have all seven of their rusty old jalopies with the big "systems" and chopped off mufflers lined right in front of the building. Without permits!! This doesn't really bother me either, as visitor parking is only right across from the building. I honestly don't mind parking there. What really, really bothers me, is when their trashy alcoholic mommies come to visit three times a day, smoking their Virginia Slims and dragging around the latest K-Mart special hand bag, parking in my visitor parking spot! There's a street light that I park under every single effing day. That's my street light. Instead of swinging my car into my special spot, I have to back the whole way down the parking lot and find a spot in front of the other building. I'm not lazy, it's a long walk and this baby is heavy! I already know which mommy is always parking under my light. She's the same one that tried to pat my baby's head with a cigarette in her hand, I almost totally spazzed, freaked, pulling the baby away and yelling "No smoke! No smoke!" like I'm new to the English language and I haven't yet learned how to form complete sentences. No smoke!

Anyways, I've been waiting for karma to destroy this bitch and all of her offspring (since the second hand smoke didn't do that yet), so I could start to rely on my parking space again, but karma does not like to be rushed and who knows how long it will be before they all get hit by a bus? So you know what I did about it?

I wrote this blog. Hey, I'm a pussy and I have a baby to think about. The woman's a little sick looking, but I'm sure she could kick my ass, especially if I threatened any of her spawn. But I'd like to do something really mean to my inconsiderate neighbors.

It's not just a parking space. It's the principle of the thing.

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