Sunday, November 16, 2008

I Hate Walmart, but I ADORE Target

I try to do the grocery shopping on days when Jeffrey has off. That way he can come along and entertain the babe while I throw things in the cart. He hates shopping, but usually if I starve him for a couple hours, he's more than ready to spend a little time in the produce aisle. Well today, he just kept putting me off and putting me off until finally it was almost bath time and I got this genius idea. I'll go alone. By myself! No clingy baby, no Jeffrey grunting about the price of string cheese, all alone with just me and my cart. I started to get really excited. I threw the babe in the tub; scrub, splash, dry. I fed her impatiently and then realized that Walmart doesn't close. When she was finished, I kissed her on the forehead, plopped her on Jeffrey's lap, and grabbed my keys. I was off on a grand adventure.

When we go shopping as a family, I always feel rushed. I swear it's like I have to sprint around the store trying to get everything we need before Mads (or Jeffrey) has a meltdown. This time though, I did it all at a leisurely pace. I actually squeezed the fruit before I threw it in a bag, I went down every aisle, and I even looked for the best prices instead of just grabbing things haphazardly. By the time I was finished, my cart was pretty much overflowing. I was in a spectacular mood. So I get to the check-out line, and all these smiling cashiers are just waiting to scan my goods. No lines! What a good shopping trip! I throw all my junk on the conveyor thingy and start putting the full bags back in the cart. When it gets to the point where all that's left is a couple loaves of bread, I start digging around in my purse for my wallet. Diapers, baby clothes, receipts, goodness there's a lot of shit in this purse. Lip gloss, change, ummm. Where's my wallet? Start panic attack. Where's my wallet? Maybe I dropped it? It's probably just in the car. No, I know it's not in the car. Jeffrey! Jeffrey always knows where my missing shit is! Where's my wallet?? Holy shit, was I mugged? The smiling cashier tells me the total, and I ignore her to dial Jeffrey's number with a shaky hand.

Me: Baby! Do you know where my wallet is??
*Cashier is no longer smiling*
Jeffrey: Oh yeah, it's on the table.

Jeffrey says this so nonchalantly that I am almost positive that he knew it was there the whole time, but was just too consumed with his dumb video game to tell me.

The cashier gets on her fancy pants walky-talky to report the situation, ('this chick ain't got no cash'), and someone from customer service hurries over. By now, there's a HUGE line behind me, which I just don't understand because I swear that Walmart was empty, but there was definitely at least 25 people that heard, "What? She can't pay for it?" Uhh. Omigosh. "This lady forgot her wallet!" I tell the wonderful customer service lady that my wallet will be here in ten minutes, no need to turn this into some kind of freak show. She grabs her walky-talky and screams that she needs someone to put the 'lady without a wallet's cart behind the customer service desk. Heaven forbid she discreetly push it there herself.

I'm sitting on the little bench waiting for Jeffrey to get there, my cart is hanging out behind the service desk, and every once in a while one of the cashiers will walk up and ask "Did that lady get her cart?". God these people suck. I just wanted to melt into the bench, puddle underneath, and then trickle into some drain. Haven't any of these people experienced Mommy brain?

So that was Walmart. I was still salty about the whole thing when I got home, but when I clicked on Babycenter, I saw a post titled "Britax Marathon Car Seat for $42.99!!". I freaked out. My car seat! The number one TWO must-have car seat in the country! (I would have to give number one to the Britax Boulevard. That thing definitely has some bells and whistles.) The three hundred dollar car seat that I've been swooning over for three months! I bought one from Target for $45.39, and even got free shipping. I feel sorry for the underpaid associate that made that pricing error! Original price? $279.99. All things considered, it's been a good day.

Here's your daily dose of drool covered baby:

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