How to Open a Bottle of Wine Without a Corkscrew

I own three wine keys. Maybe four. The one that I keep in my glove box is missing, the one I hide in the kitchen junk drawer is MIA, and my favorite wine key I had loaned out to Jocy and have yet to get it back. So imagine my despair when Jeffrey walks in with a bottle of Beringer (my absolute fave cheap wine at the moment) from the state store, and here I am keyless. I tore the house apart. Nothing. If you ever find yourself in this situation, relax. You will get that bottle open.

Here's your tools:

Screw driver, hammer, and a big 'ole screw. None of those pussy little picture hanging screws, you need a heavy duty big 'ole screw.

Screw the screw into the cork with the screw turner. You could probably use your hand, but why? That shit hurts.

After the screw is almost the whole way in, use your hammer to pull it back out.

Voila! An open bottle of wine!

Another nifty trick that comes in handy? Let's say you're partying in the woods and you don't have these tools handy (not that I have experience or anything), all you have to do is wrap the bottom of the bottle in some kind of cloth (your shirt will work if you're willing to take it off), and bang the bottom of the bottle on a tree. The wine will actually push the cork out after about ten good whaps.

And remember, drink responsibly! :)