Die Puppy

Baby toys are annoying. I'm sure there are toys in your house that drive you insane, and just the sight of them makes you slightly angry (it can't just be me, right?). Maybe Legos screw up your vacuum, or Barbie shoes hurt your feet every time you step on them. Or maybe you're like me and Head/shoulders/knees/toes (sung by every freaking baby toy ever made) makes you want to hang yourself. Admit it, you hate your kid's toys. It's OK, I do too.

Some toys I can handle. Stuffed animals, soft blocks, and teething rings? Love. Little superstar thingy, bi-lingual activity table, and the spinning/singing Winnie the Pooh thinga-jig? Fine in moderation. But this thing?

That effing thing makes me want to stab myself in the ears with a fork. The first time I heard that Puppy's voice, I thought "Aww, how cute is that?"... and it is cute. The voice of that puppy is absolutely stinking adorable... for one day. The problem is that it's too cute. Every time he says "Got my toes!" in that adorable voice, I cringe. Seriously, I want to rip his toes off every time he says it. The on/off switch is so touchy that every time Mads puts her hands on the puppy it says, "It's learning time! Let's sing and play games! Bye-bye!" Bye-bye? What do you mean Bye-Bye, she hasn't even effing played with you yet!! It's those same three lines, over.and.over.again. When I finally rip the puppy out of her perfect little hands, I hide the on/off leg so that she can play with the rest of it, but by that time she's totally over the puppy's bullshit and on to something else. And the songs!

It's fun to hear you laugh and sing,
Learning as you play,
When I see your smiling face,
This is what I say,
I love you, I love you,
Morning, noon, and night,
I love you, I love you,
You make the world so briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Total gag! I don't know what it is about that song, but I seriously feel my heart beat faster and my neck tense when I hear it.

I hate this puppy. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I want to punt it off the balcony.

I won't, but I really want to. If Mads wouldn't get all jumpy excited every time she saw the thing, I would totally drop it off in a dumpster somewhere, or at least give it away.

Ugh.