Sunday, April 12, 2009


When I was pregnant, people were always giving me "friendly" advice. Strangers, friends, family, they all had something to say. I would clench my teeth a lot back then, listen to their "kind" words, then let it roll off and land somewhere in a mud puddle. When Mads was a newborn, I also got tons of advice from everyone. I lucked out back then because apparently I was doing everything right. But now? I'm just a total screw-up, and no one is afraid to let me know. The two topics that are sure to rile up strangers/family/people at work??/friends, are:


1. Your baby will never learn to sleep by herself
2. She will be sleeping with you until she goes to college.
3. You are setting her up for failure. She will be dependent, and never learn to do anything on her own.
4. How the hell do you have sex with a baby in the middle??

First of all, I never planned to co-sleep. Just take a look in Madelynn's room and you'll find a beautiful cherry crib (dusty of course, but it's still there). When Mads was a newborn, she wouldn't sleep unless she was on someones chest. I was tired, so she slept with us. It was just the easiest. Now, I co-sleep for many reasons; the convenience, the closeness, and the look on her face at 7am. But my main reason for co-sleeping is that I honestly believe that she will benefit from it. I believe the studies that show co-sleeping actually encourages independence. I do NOT think that a baby needs to be "taught" how to sleep. Madelynn will sleep with us until she is ready to sleep in her own bed. Period.

1. She sleeps by herself from 7pm to 2am, and for all naps. Obviously she knows how to sleep alone.
2. Do you know anyone who slept with their parents until they went to college? I don't.
3. Come see me in ten years.
4. In the shower mostly, but I'm not too fancy for the kitchen floor once in a while.


1. She'll bite your nipple off.
2. She will breastfeed until she goes to college.
3. She must be weaned by the time she talks/drinks from a cup/is a year old.
4. She's still sucking your tit??

Breastfeeding was very important to me, but I had an incredibly rough time in the beginning. I had zero support (my Mum and sister were actually making bets on how long I would last), I was in immense pain, and I didn't really have anyone to talk to. When I overcame all the bullshit, I felt like a total winner. I was feeding my child the best food possible, bonding with her, and proving all the assholes wrong. I intended to breastfeed for the first six months, but by the second month, I knew I could do it forever (not literally forever, but longer than six months). The more I read about breastfeeding and the benefits, the more I want Madelynn to self-wean. I decided right around the six month mark that I would nurse her until she was ready to quit. Hopefully, that will be before she goes to high school, but if it isn't, that's no one else's business. OK, I'm lying. I won't BF her until high school. I'm sure I have a limit, I just don't know when that is yet.

1. She had teeth at 3 months. If she hasn't bit it off yet, I doubt she will. I'll let you know though.
2. Once again, do you know anyone who nursed in their dorm room during parent's weekend? I don't.
3. She drank from a cup at 4 months old, the WHO recommends at least two years, and seriously, what the eff does talking have to do with boob milk? I mean really.
4. Yes.

So please. PLEASE. Leave me alone. I don't care about your step-brother's-cousin's-nephew-twice removed who breast fed until he was sixteen. Nor do I care about your half-sister's-uncle-in-law's-step-brother who bit off his mother's nipple. I also don't give two damns about your cousin's-cousin's-cousin who slept with his parents until he was 45. I don't care.

Thank you.

**For information on the benefits of co-sleeping and breastfeeding, check out:

*I do NOT think that anyone that does things differently than me is doing it wrong. I'm doing what I feel is right for my child, as I'm sure you're doing the same for your child. I respect your decisions and would appreciate it if you would respect mine. And for real, leave me the fuck alone.


Jillian said...

I am so so so glad you wrote this! This morning, my grandmother sent me an email with a link to an article about how co-sleeping babies are at a higher risk of dying. She told me that she "respectfully requested" that I read it. So, Asa and I were going to look around on the internet tonight and find a good article to send back to her! But that article from is great! So, I'm going to send that to her.

Thanks for the help and I totally agree with everything you said!

Gabes hot mama said...

You tell them woman!