Thursday, July 23, 2009

My Bed Looks So LARGE

As you know, Babe has been sleeping between Jeffrey and I basically since birth (minus the first month or two where we slept on the couch, me in the upright position, her cradled at my chest), and we have all enjoyed co-sleeping more than I ever thought possible. Two days ago, I tried fruitlessly for 3 hours to rock that child to sleep. It just was not happening, even though she was rubbing her eyes and yawning. After three hours of struggle, I honestly could not take it anymore. I had to get away from her. I deposited my child in her crib, shut the door and sat down in the hallway. I didn't know what I was waiting for, screams of anguish that would pull at my heart strings and make me calm down I suppose. I heard Mads turn on the little music player in her crib, rustle around and whimper once or twice, and I waited. I waited for what felt like an eternity, what was taking that child so long to cry? I was starting to get worried, maybe she suffocated under a blanket, maybe she nose-dived out of the crib and broke her neck, maybe she had been abducted by a very quiet child-snatcher. When I opened the door and peeked in the room, what I saw was somehow worse.

She was sleeping. She was sleeping in her crib, alone in the dark, and she looked so incredibly peaceful. My big girl was ready for her own bed, and she was trying to tell me that for three whole hours. I moved the baby monitor into her room, and snuggled up on the couch with the receiving end clutched to my chest. She would wake up soon, and she would be scared, lonely and starved for attention from Mommy.

She woke up at 7am, bright eyed and giggly. She slept from 7pm to 7am in her crib last night. I put her in her bed today a noon, kissed her cheek and told her it was nap time. I shut the door behind me and grabbed the baby monitor. I heard her music begin to play, and nothing else. Three minutes later:

I have to admit, I'm absolutely devastated. I know I'm being overdramatic, but I'm seriously the saddest person in the whole world right now. I knew she wouldn't sleep with us forever, I just didn't know she would be ready to leave before I was ready. I wasn't ready. She's growing up so fast, becoming this independent little person who doesn't need me as much anymore, and it totally breaks my heart. I've been weepy since noon.

I am so insanely proud of her though.

I will be a total wreck when she goes to college. A train wreck.


Jillian said...

I tried putting Marley in her crib the other day, but I was not so lucky. What's the secret?

Aimee said...

Patience, I guess. She'll let you know.

Joann said...

I have to say I just found your blog from the May 08 Baby board and was cracking up! I have marked you as a favorite so I can have a nice laugh once in awhile! The way you relate your stories and even daily activities crack me up! As a new/first time mom I can relate to a lot of this but you put a hysterical spin on it! Thank you for the laughs and please keep this up.