Pumpkin Patch Kids

*****

Megan and I took the babies to the pumpkin patch today. First things first, I bought Mads a fresh, shiny macintosh:

She was thrilled, and she shared:

There's nothing like a healthy snack to keep a girl focused, and I needed Mads at the top of her game if we were going to navigate through the dreaded corn maze:

I had never been in a corn maze before (actually, none of us had), so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Skinny paths, crinkly corn and dead ends were what I had imagined, and I wasn't disappointed at all. However, I wasn't prepared for the surprise behind bend number two:

The spooky didn't end there, but Mads was a very brave baby. Her first obstacle was to get by The Hissing Pikachu of Death:

Victorious, she moved on past the Lazy Headed Dopey Dude of Scarecrow Crossing:

She conquered the Broken Box of Mexico (?):

And breezed past the Misplaced Butler of the Corn:

After turning down bend number 82, we were faced with the infamous Terrifying Tube of Dirty Knees. It was terrifying and definitely dirty, but Mads was brave once again:

And dirty. (Don't mind that huge splotch of apple on her shirt, it dried before we left.)

Finally, the spooky was over and we trudged through the exit. But wait! The best (and perhaps the scariest) surprise of all was just ahead:

Cross-eyed goats! (Honestly, Megan and I told the babies that they were sheep. We didn't realize how wrong we were until the "sheep" got into a battle and emitted a pissed-off, screeching sound that was nothing like "baa.")

I was a little leery of these goats (or whatever they are), they were most definitely cross-eyed and they smelled absolutely horrid. Plus, they were fairly aggressive with each other, so I wanted to make sure Mads didn't actually touch any of them...

And that's when she kissed one:

Fearless warrior.

Back at the patch, Mads found the perfect spot to sit and reflect on the horrors of the afternoon:

Finally, it was time to pick our pumpkins:

Mads ogled pumpkins for at least 32 seconds before losing interest and running away:

Her destination? A little, purple playhouse which turned out to be her most favorite attraction of all:

After Mads had finished with her playhouse, she took a quick ride on a pretty pony:

and pretended to be her most favorite thing in the whole universe:

This chick just loves cats. And pumpkin patches!

*****

Now you may remember from a past post that Megan had called my sweet baby a bully. It's true, she said it. I would like to take this opportunity to show who the real terror is in this toddler twosome:

Pushy, pushy Mason.

He even tried to run her over with a trike. Who's the bully now? :)

"AIMEE!! Stop Leaving Your SHIT Where Madelynn Can Get It!!!"

I could live in a world without electricity or running water, but a world without eyeliner is just too horrible to comprehend. I wasn't sure if my love for the black pencil would rub off on Mads or not, but I figured if it did, it wouldn't happen until the preteen years.

Not too bad for her first try, but she really needs to work on her precision.

My title? That's what Jeffrey had to say about our made-up babe. At the tender age of 26, he's really turning into a crotchety old man. :)

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Kissed

I have two babies tonight. Jeffrey, Mads and I picked up Mason at around 4:30 this afternoon. Besides Madelynn's obsession with teasing Mason (she loves to 'pretend' to hand him something, and then yank it away as soon as Mason reaches out his little arm. I don't know where she learned that), we didn't have any issues until bath time hit. Madelynn is very affectionate. She's a hugger, and most recently, a kisser. Who doesn't enjoy a big, open-mouthed kiss from a toddler? Well...

Bath started out on the right foot, with lots of sharing and chummy head patting:

Now, Mason sports a kissy face quite often, so I can understand how Mads would get the wrong impression. Hell, I wanted to kiss the kid. How could you possibly resist that smoochy face?

So Mads kissed him. A lot. Which led to this:

Mads, sensing the distress that Mason was most obviously experiencing, tried to console him:

Which led to this:

Finally, I had to separate them. I pulled Mads to the other side of the tub and tried to ever so gently explain to her that Mason just didn't want to be kissed anymore. It got me this:

She can't be discouraged though:

Poor Mason.

Mads loves Mason, and I'm pretty sure Mason has a soft spot for her, too. He just prefers her in smaller doses and at least 400 yards away.

While shopping today, I bought that new Johnson's Baby Bubble Bath & Wash, and I just couldn't wait to try it out. So if you were wondering why that tubby is so bubbly, now you know! It's fabulous.

This is Not Acceptable

And just so you know, if Mommy weren't so busy running around hunting her camera, you'd be in big trouble, Missy.

Fortunately, Mads has no use for cutlery, and is only interested in this Cinderella sippy-top.

If it had been a steak knife, I would be forced to skip the picture and simply swoop in for the rescue. That would have been a shame.

Enlightenment from the Shower

After working a long day today (almost 11 hours, I don't want to talk about it), I couldn't wait to get home and have a nice pee without an apron hindering the ordeal. I kicked my work shoes (high top chucks, in case you were wondering) off and settled in. Glaring at me from the shower was the low-down on Jeffrey's day:

Those shower markers were supposed to be a fun and exciting addition to Mads' bathtime routine, but Jeffrey and I get much more use out of them than she does.

Apparently Mads was being a "face" today. If I'm ever curious to find out how the day went without me, I can just check the shower. And now you know, too. :)

It's Just a Diaper Rash!

Madelynn never gets diaper rash. A little pink? Sure, but it always goes away after one swipe of Desitin. This though, this was a diaper rash. It was angry red. It was raw and raised and it hurt her. I globbed Desitin on in layers, and then I globbed on a little more. FOR DAYS. Each morning, I would find the rash even angrier, almost to the point of bleeding. I felt horrible! I'm a damn good diaper changer, I swear! How did this happen? I still don't know, but I knew I had to get rid of it ASAP. After globbing that smelly cream again to no avail, I launched the Desitin into the closet in a diaper-rash-rage. It was time to consult the internet. After typing "how to get rid of diaper rash" and skipping over the bajillion Desitin ads, I came to a website titled "Top ten uses for breast milk." Total duh. I had always heard about using the liquid gold for earaches and pinkeye, but it never occurred to me that it could cure some mean diaper rash.

But how do you get the milk onto the diaper rash? I haven't pumped in ages. There was no way I could even locate each pump piece if my life depended on it. The website suggested frozen breast milk (we didn't have any) or to hand express the milk into a cup, using a syringe to squirt it on the rash. That seemed like a ton of work, and who just has a syringe laying around? I didn't think I would really need that much, and besides, I have good aim...

With Mads half naked on the changing table, I pulled out boob B and started squirting. I'm leaning over to better control the spray when I see Jeffrey in the door way. I thought maybe he had broken his neck, I've never seen it snap that hard.

"What the hell are you doing??"

Now, I can imagine it was an odd sight to witness. It's not everyday you see your better half spraying milk all over your naked baby's bottom. I still don't think it deserved a "what the hell," but...

"It's just a diaper rash."

::Neck snap number two::

"What the-the-t are you doing??"

He's stuttering by now. That was when I became a little agitated. Jeffrey was looking at me like I had morphed from loving Mommy into a one eyed, one horned, flying purple baby-eater. Could he not see that I was simply playing Medicine Woman in the nursery? Yes, it probably looked a little strange to see my breast dangling over my child's private area, but let's be real here. After explaining to Jeffrey the top ten uses for breast milk (while still cupping breast B with hand B and holding Mads still with hand A), he moved closer to get a better view of the healing process. With Jeffrey's guidance (you're dribbling on her thigh, that's better, to the left, what's wrong with that lazy duct?) we managed to get the job done.

Embarrassing. That was yesterday. Today, diaper rash is gone. Fuck you, Desitin.

A Coffee Table's Purpose

What is a coffee table for? I use it to store the remotes, prop my feet up and occasionally I even set my coffee on it. I'm a boring chick. Mads? Not so boring. A coffee table is for:

Sitting

Climbing

Stretching

Music Control

Puzzling

Chatting

Peeking

Lounging

And Cheesing

That's a fairly functional piece of furniture if you ask me. Next week, a couch!

It's School Picture Season!

Little Jimmy had his school pictures taken recently, and we were lucky enough to receive one in the mail today! I just love school pictures, all those missing teeth and messy, sweaty hair (because they always take the pictures right after gym class). You can find me in a Minnie Mouse sweater (usually bright purple) in every single elementary school photo, with crooked bangs and an uber-cheese. Oh the memories.

Apparently Jimmy's Mommy loathes Mickey Mouse. ;)

Hi, Pappy Jim!

Proud and Tall

It's shocking to see how much growing they do in just four short months. No wonder they need so much sleep.

Fall Who?

Although Megan says it's sweater season (notice in the first picture that Mase is wearing only a diaper with that sweater, must not be that cold), it's still sweet summer around these parts.

And Mads is determined

(see the determination in her stance and written all over her beautiful face?)

to have a ball until summer is really over:

Get it? Have a ball? Haha.

*Hey, Megan! That's what you get for making my kid look like a bully in your blog. Psh.