Thursday, November 6, 2008


I've tried everything to avoid the insane screaming one hour before bedtime.

I've tried putting her to bed earlier and putting her to bed later. I've tried bouncing, rocking, walking, swaying, jiggling, swinging, and patting. I've tried the crib, the bed, the floor, the car seat, the swing, and the couch. I've read stories, made up stories, sang baby songs, made up baby songs, sang loudly, whisper sang, sang Tool songs, and shhhed. I've skipped bath time, did longer bath time, shorter bath time, warm water, hot water, and no water. I've used lotion, sleepy lotion, massage oils, and baby oil. I've tried the lights on, the lights off, the lights dimmed, and a night light. I've used footie pajamas, short sleeve onesies, long sleeve onesies, tagless onesies, sleep sacks, and diaper only. I've tried gas relief, teething relief, and diaper rash cream. I've tried longer play at night, shorter play, play with only soft toys, play with chewy toys, and play with toys that aren't toys. I've given her a boob, a bottle, warm boob milk, cold boob milk, slow bottle, fast bottle, and I've even given her a cup. I bought a mobile, a vibrating baby seat, and a dreamscape thingajig. I've given her pacifiers, washcloths, blankets, dolls, loveys, her fingers, my fingers, and teething rings.

I've tried it all. This baby hates me for exactly one hour every day.

Don't tell her I said this but, I don't really like her all that much either. I had a dream last night that I put her down on the bathroom floor and she went right to sleep. I admit, I tried it. Stupid dream. I rocked her for exactly one hour while she screamed bloody murder and tried to rip my cheeks and lips off. Exhausted, she finally passed out with her head on my stomach and her legs dangling off the glider. I plopped that baby in the crib and sang hallelujah in the living room like I have every night for the past six months.

What the hell am I doing wrong?

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