When I was driving home from work today, I was thinking about my Mum, and about how I've never seen that woman stressed out. Whether she was doing a late night extra load of laundry so I could have my favorite red sweater for school the next morning, or canceling her plans so she could help me make a leaf project (that I had three months to work on, but didn't start until the day before it was due), she always made it look so easy. She whipped up healthy meals in minutes, never had so much as a dirty spoon in the pristine sink, cleaned up after everyone in the house, and always had time to help with homework or go shopping. Mads isn't even old enough to have a favorite shirt that she "needs" to wear, yet I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
From trying to keep up with laundry, dinner, dishes, and a clean apartment, to paying bills with money I don't have and worrying about how I'm going to buy Christmas presents for our families, I'm starting to feel a bit of a crunch. Amazingly, Jeffrey doesn't feel a thing. I think I could probably handle keeping house if that were all I had to do, but when you add Mads' neediness to the mix, it's all a tad overwhelming. It's hard to get anything done with a baby strapped to your hip all day. It's hard to get anything done when you feel like you should be sitting on the floor with said baby, trying to constantly engage her so she can learn and grow. It's hard to pay bills when Jeffrey has an ATM card, and thinks that there's a never ending flood of money in the bank. It's hard not to cry when you go to work and come home to find the place in shambles, Jeffrey playing video games, the wipes container empty and the last diaper from the pack already on your baby's bottom. And what the hell is that smell? I walk around all day saying, "God, do I have to do everything?" in my head and I hate that I feel that way, but I hate even more that I can't just do it all.
My Mum could.
Being Mommy isn't so bad, it's being Mommy and everything else I have to be that throws me off. At least I finished the laundry.