It's Not Me... It's You.

Chills, body aches and a temperature of one hundred and two. I would have thought it was the flu if my right breast hadn't been so damn painful, swollen and red for two days before. I thought it was a clogged duct, but when the fever knocked my ass on the couch for 24 hours, I knew it was mastitis. Unfortunately stay at home parents don't get sick days, so I endured with one infant hoovered to my defective chest and one toddler permanently parked in front of Dora the Explorer for a whole day. (Did I feed the toddler? I can't remember.) I went to the emergency room (after Kendra's insistence, I was just going to ride it out [or die]) and was given one awkward feel-up by an old man and one pricey antibiotic. That was Saturday. Today, I feel like a million bucks. Well, $800,000 on my way to a million.

Now how, you may ask, did I end up with a bacterial infection in one of the most sensitive places on my body? And the answer is, these damn kids suck at sucking. With Mads, I watched in horror as a rather large chunk of my left nipple washed down the shower drain three weeks into nursing. I dreaded each feeding, I cried through every latch, I didn't even like my kid. I finally found the most amazing invention in all the world, a nipple shield, and not a moment too soon because Mads was thisclose to living off Similac for the next 11 months. Even with the shield, nursing didn't come easy. At around two and a half months, I was finally able to feed Madelynn without pain. Sweet victory, I'll boob her 'til she's 45 after making it through those first two months with both breasts still attached. I honestly thought that breastfeeding would be a breeze the second time around, I mean my breasts have had 21 months of practice and they've only been out of commission for three, so it will totally be easy. Super easy in fact.

It's hard. Really hard. Dreading each feeding and wincing at every latch with a shield? Yeah, that's me. Chunks, cracks and blood? Check-check-check. And now, the right one is rotting off.

It's too much for me to think that I'm the problem. Seriously, I love my breasts, they never failed me before kids *wink-haha-wink-twitch*.

So I'll say it again, these kids suck at sucking.