Tuesday, November 23, 2010

If You Were Me

This is what ten minutes of your day would look like. You begin by taking pictures with Mads in the living room, while Evelynn sleeps in the nursery. Obviously you can't take a picture with one girl and not the other, I mean, that just wouldn't be fair. The girls will see your blog one day, and they'll be counting. You leave Mads with a sheet of stickers (which in itself is a horrible idea, what the hell are you thinking?) and go to take pictures with Ev (never mind that she's sleeping, it's easier that way anyways).

As you can tell from the background, Mads is never too far behind you. Even though you remind her 5,000+ times a day that she must be quiet when the baby is sleeping, she screams, "What you dooooin' Mommy??" This of course startles Evelynn and wakes her up.

Since Ev is already awake, Mads decides to take this opportunity to poke her in the cheek. She knows this practice will produce screams every.single.time, yet she continues to poke that cheek.

This doesn't go over well with Ev. She has just been startled from a deep slumber to find an evil toddler poking her and an evil mommy waving a massive Nikon in her face. I would be pissed too. (Shame on you, mommy.)

Your toddler really is a little beast, just look at her face. It's pretty obvious that Ev won't be going back to sleep after this intrusion, so you might as well change the hundredth diaper of the day, since you're already in here and all.

"Stop moving, baby!!" Why does she always have to yell? Does she get that from you?

A clean butt puts Ev in a better mood. I wouldn't exactly call her happy, but at least she's not screaming anymore. You hear the dog downstairs barking for the first time today. The dog never stops, but neither do your kids so usually you can't hear him. Stupid dog, but silence from your baby.

Until Mads pokes her in the cheek again.

Make it stop.

You tell Madelynn that she needs to apologize and give the baby a hug. "No." Do it. "No, no, no." Do it. "I so sorry baby, don't cry anymore." Unfortunately for all of you, Ev is screaming so loudly that she can't even hear this apology. You suggest to Mads that perhaps it would be better to show Evelynn that she's sorry, since everyone is pretty much deaf at this point and she owes her one hug anyways. "I don't want to." Do it anyways. "No." We have to apologize when we hurt someone. "No." Please? "No." It's the right thing to do, Madelynn! "NO!!" Do it or you'll sit in the chair!! 1...2...

The kisses and hugs seem to do the trick, but Madelynn isn't convinced that this is the end. She gives Evelynn a good talking to. "Shush, baby! No more crying, baby! SHUUUUSH!" She's screaming at her. She probably gets that from you... ahem. You feel the guilt and mentally remind yourself "hugs, not drugs."



Evelynn cracks a small smile. Madelynn has made Ev happy, and this makes mommy happy, which means mommy doesn't have to "roar" anymore (something you're accused of doing every time your voice goes higher than a whisper. "Mommy ROARRRSS!!").



Yay! You clap. Mads claps. Evelynn grins.

Since Evelynn has been tear-free for thirty seconds, Mads tries her best to torment the sweet girl further by shoving a piece of her princess headband in her ear.

You just sit there with your camera thinking, "What a little snot that child is."

When this doesn't work, she tries something else.

Evelynn takes the crown bashing with nothing more than a look of confusion. Since no one is crying, you let the rough play go. You've already reached your "NO" and "STOP THAT" limit for the day and it's only noon. Mads knows when she's beat, so she leaves. Everything is rosy until you set Ev down on the living room floor.

Poke to the cheek. Rinse, lather, repeat.

And that's ten minutes of your, errr... my day. The other 1,130 are just as fun.

:)

Nails




He probably shouldn't quit his day job, but he gets five gold stars for being such a fabulous Daddy.
<3

Ev Gets Licked

Right in the face.


She looks disgusted, right?


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Oh Sit!





Monday, November 15, 2010

The Turkey Project

Since Halloween, we've been following the 'one piece of candy a day' rule. Actually, Mads has been following the rule, I've been sneaking MilkyWays every time her back is turned. When she walked out from nap the other day, she found me red handed (or candy-wrapper-fisted) with her severely depleted candy stash in my lap. I was caught and it wasn't like I could just wave her away without a piece of candy. So... we ate it all and made another craft as an excuse.

Don't mind her crazy hair, it's pasted to her face with sticky Skittle slop .






And now I just have to lose all that candy weight in the ten days before Turkey Day... so it will all even out. Right?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Employed Again

I'm going back to work tomorrow. I'm worried about Jeffrey, the girls and my living room. Evelynn is going to be pissed when she finds out the boobs won't be around for five whole hours.

I don't remember how to clock in.

*Joe Paterno won his 400th game. Mads and Ev, you each watched about 30 seconds of history tonight. Go State!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Helping Hand Tree

Madelynn loves to help with everything. Whether her assistance actually makes life easier is seriously questionable, but she definitely enjoys being a part of the chores. To show my appreciation (real or faked), we made a fun craft.

First we went through old magazines to find pictures of things Mads helps with. Diaper care, saving money (by putting all the change in piggy banks), laundry sorting and cooking, etc.



Then it was time for hand-tracing and cutting them out.



I drew a simple trunk on a piece of card stock, and Mads glued all of the hands to the tree.




And here you have it, the helping hands tree.



Because there's not already enough shit on my refrigerator. :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween 2010

There's no better way to prepare for a long night of tricks and treats than by taking a nice, long nap in your monkey costume.



Cheeky Monkey





Mystery Mads



(Technically she's a bat, however she called herself a bat, a butterfly, a princess and a cat.)









It was cold. I had both girls layered times three (you may notice Mads' Dora pants under her tights).

Daddy was a fire-truck.



Or something like that.



I think we managed about twenty minutes outside (about six houses, give or take) before Ev's cheeks were way past rosy and Mads had to be carried. We headed to the Oaks for some indoor trick or treats and by the time we made it through the building, Mads had more than enough candy to last her until next Halloween.



And finally it was time to sort. I called dibs on all Butterfingers, Almond Joys and MilkyWays, Mads hid lollipops all over the living room and Jeffrey was super salty because there was only one Snickers bar.



Happy Halloween!