It's Just a Diaper Rash!

Madelynn never gets diaper rash. A little pink? Sure, but it always goes away after one swipe of Desitin. This though, this was a diaper rash. It was angry red. It was raw and raised and it hurt her. I globbed Desitin on in layers, and then I globbed on a little more. FOR DAYS. Each morning, I would find the rash even angrier, almost to the point of bleeding. I felt horrible! I'm a damn good diaper changer, I swear! How did this happen? I still don't know, but I knew I had to get rid of it ASAP. After globbing that smelly cream again to no avail, I launched the Desitin into the closet in a diaper-rash-rage. It was time to consult the internet. After typing "how to get rid of diaper rash" and skipping over the bajillion Desitin ads, I came to a website titled "Top ten uses for breast milk." Total duh. I had always heard about using the liquid gold for earaches and pinkeye, but it never occurred to me that it could cure some mean diaper rash.

But how do you get the milk onto the diaper rash? I haven't pumped in ages. There was no way I could even locate each pump piece if my life depended on it. The website suggested frozen breast milk (we didn't have any) or to hand express the milk into a cup, using a syringe to squirt it on the rash. That seemed like a ton of work, and who just has a syringe laying around? I didn't think I would really need that much, and besides, I have good aim...

With Mads half naked on the changing table, I pulled out boob B and started squirting. I'm leaning over to better control the spray when I see Jeffrey in the door way. I thought maybe he had broken his neck, I've never seen it snap that hard.

"What the hell are you doing??"

Now, I can imagine it was an odd sight to witness. It's not everyday you see your better half spraying milk all over your naked baby's bottom. I still don't think it deserved a "what the hell," but...

"It's just a diaper rash."

::Neck snap number two::

"What the-the-t are you doing??"

He's stuttering by now. That was when I became a little agitated. Jeffrey was looking at me like I had morphed from loving Mommy into a one eyed, one horned, flying purple baby-eater. Could he not see that I was simply playing Medicine Woman in the nursery? Yes, it probably looked a little strange to see my breast dangling over my child's private area, but let's be real here. After explaining to Jeffrey the top ten uses for breast milk (while still cupping breast B with hand B and holding Mads still with hand A), he moved closer to get a better view of the healing process. With Jeffrey's guidance (you're dribbling on her thigh, that's better, to the left, what's wrong with that lazy duct?) we managed to get the job done.

Embarrassing. That was yesterday. Today, diaper rash is gone. Fuck you, Desitin.

A Coffee Table's Purpose

What is a coffee table for? I use it to store the remotes, prop my feet up and occasionally I even set my coffee on it. I'm a boring chick. Mads? Not so boring. A coffee table is for:

Sitting

Climbing

Stretching

Music Control

Puzzling

Chatting

Peeking

Lounging

And Cheesing

That's a fairly functional piece of furniture if you ask me. Next week, a couch!

It's School Picture Season!

Little Jimmy had his school pictures taken recently, and we were lucky enough to receive one in the mail today! I just love school pictures, all those missing teeth and messy, sweaty hair (because they always take the pictures right after gym class). You can find me in a Minnie Mouse sweater (usually bright purple) in every single elementary school photo, with crooked bangs and an uber-cheese. Oh the memories.

Apparently Jimmy's Mommy loathes Mickey Mouse. ;)

Hi, Pappy Jim!

Proud and Tall

It's shocking to see how much growing they do in just four short months. No wonder they need so much sleep.

Fall Who?

Although Megan says it's sweater season (notice in the first picture that Mase is wearing only a diaper with that sweater, must not be that cold), it's still sweet summer around these parts.

And Mads is determined

(see the determination in her stance and written all over her beautiful face?)

to have a ball until summer is really over:

Get it? Have a ball? Haha.

*Hey, Megan! That's what you get for making my kid look like a bully in your blog. Psh.

Duk? Duk? Duck!

Bye? Bye? Duk? Bye? Bye? Bye? Shooz! Shooz? Bye? Shooz-bye? Bye? Duk!

Madelynn's vocabulary, along with the fact that she understands what she's saying shocks me hourly (quarter-hourly even). Wanna go see the ducks, Madelynn? For answer, see above. This is all while she's hunting down her shoes and attempting to put them on herself. How did this happen? How in the world does she know that she needs to find her shoes before we can go bye? Why would she even consider such a thing? She's a baby! Correction, she is a toddler. It's sad and exciting, all at the same time. Who knew motherhood could bring on such conflicting emotions nearly every 30 seconds of every day? They really do grow up so fast.

End sob story. So anyways, armed with a whole bag of hot-dog rolls (which had been in my freezer since... the beginning of time at least), we went to see the ducks today (and we wore shooz). It was an action-packed park fest for sure.

After naming all of the ducks (one was named Duk!, while the others were named either Duk? or Ber [that's "bird" in case you didn't get it]), I cut Mads loose, giving her free range of the entire park. No stone was left unturned. No mountain was too big:

No bridge was too long:

None of the swings went high enough (we tried them all, twice):

She crossed treacherous waters:

And even found some time to stop and smell the flowers:

I'll give you this, Toddlerhood. You definitely keep me on my toes.

I have a beautiful life, made brighter every day by toddler kisses and belly button hunts. Motherhood may be a total mind-fuck, but the reward is priceless.

Too Young?

For sure, but it looks so darn cute. While painting my toes yesterday, Mads comes up with her little pointer finger out saying "Towz! Towz! Towz?" Who am I to deny a girl pretty toes when she asks for it?

Jeffrey was appalled. :)

Feed the Pig

Madelynn has numerous piggy banks. Block shaped, horse shaped and of course pig shaped. Until recently, those piggy banks had been collecting dust on a window sill, occasionally finding themselves on the floor after the Madelynn hurricanes of June, July and August. As Mads gains new abilities, new games are invented, and one of her favorites by far is feeding her pig.

Pinky the Pig is filled almost to capacity with laundry money.

I have a confession. A couple weeks ago, I assaulted that pink pig. I snuck into Madelynn's room like a thief in the night and lifted two whole dollars in silver money to pay for parking. The guilt consumed me, and while Mads was sleeping, I deposited a crisp five dollar bill into Pinky the Pig to make amends. I counted the funds in Pinky two days ago, and Madelynn is fairly rich for a 16 month old. I wonder what she'll buy? Probably not two hours worth of parking.

Side note: It is now Babyleg season once again! There are perks to saying good-bye to summer.