Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Show Me Your Smile

After bath tonight, the girls and I decided to get some fresh air on the balcony. I asked Mads if she could show me her smile, but I must have stuttered because she showed me her roar instead.

Simply terrifying. Now smile.

Beautiful! Now Evelynn, it's a little harder to catch that girl with a smile on. I mean, they're all just gas bubbles at this point. Do you know how hard it is to chart an infant's gas-bubble pattern?

Ah, there's a bubble!

It's Not Me... It's You.

Chills, body aches and a temperature of one hundred and two. I would have thought it was the flu if my right breast hadn't been so damn painful, swollen and red for two days before. I thought it was a clogged duct, but when the fever knocked my ass on the couch for 24 hours, I knew it was mastitis. Unfortunately stay at home parents don't get sick days, so I endured with one infant hoovered to my defective chest and one toddler permanently parked in front of Dora the Explorer for a whole day. (Did I feed the toddler? I can't remember.) I went to the emergency room (after Kendra's insistence, I was just going to ride it out [or die]) and was given one awkward feel-up by an old man and one pricey antibiotic. That was Saturday. Today, I feel like a million bucks. Well, $800,000 on my way to a million.

Now how, you may ask, did I end up with a bacterial infection in one of the most sensitive places on my body? And the answer is, these damn kids suck at sucking. With Mads, I watched in horror as a rather large chunk of my left nipple washed down the shower drain three weeks into nursing. I dreaded each feeding, I cried through every latch, I didn't even like my kid. I finally found the most amazing invention in all the world, a nipple shield, and not a moment too soon because Mads was thisclose to living off Similac for the next 11 months. Even with the shield, nursing didn't come easy. At around two and a half months, I was finally able to feed Madelynn without pain. Sweet victory, I'll boob her 'til she's 45 after making it through those first two months with both breasts still attached. I honestly thought that breastfeeding would be a breeze the second time around, I mean my breasts have had 21 months of practice and they've only been out of commission for three, so it will totally be easy. Super easy in fact.

It's hard. Really hard. Dreading each feeding and wincing at every latch with a shield? Yeah, that's me. Chunks, cracks and blood? Check-check-check. And now, the right one is rotting off.

It's too much for me to think that I'm the problem. Seriously, I love my breasts, they never failed me before kids *wink-haha-wink-twitch*.

So I'll say it again, these kids suck at sucking.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Disfiguring My Child

I ripped Evelynn's umbilical stump off. I don't know how it happened, it must have gotten caught on her shirt or perhaps I bent it back somehow while carrying her on my shoulder. What I can say for sure is that it was not ready. My first concern was that her intestines would fall out, but then the superficial in me overpowered and I feared that I had cursed her with an outie. Not just an outie, that would be one thing, but a crooked outie. A halfer-button. Half innie, half outie, fully confused. I feel like such an asshole.

The nurse assured me that her intestines would stay on the inside, but she couldn't tell me the fate of Evie's bellybutton. If she has an ugly-button, it's totally my fault. That's a lot of guilt to carry.

Thursday, June 24, 2010


I just can't get over how much Evelynn looks like Mads as a newborn. If I didn't have Madelynn standing in front of me, I would swear that I had just time-warped to two years ago.


My Tootsie Roll

Jeffrey took Mads to her very first parade last night. She came home with her little kitty backpack filled to capacity with tootsie rolls. She was also extremely excited to tell me that she met Elmo.

I'm bummed that I missed it, but I'm glad Jeffrey and Mads had a fun Daddy-Daughter night.

Sisterly Love

Madelynn loves her new sister. Every time Jeffrey or I walks by with the baby, Mads says, "I'll take it!"

And Jeff? Well he's just surrounded by way too many girls.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Today was one of those super-weather days, not too hot, light breeze, sunny and gorgeous. We could all use some fresh air, so we grabbed a quilt and two different sizes of diapers, and headed to the park.

Evie and I sat on the blanket with our toes in the grass, watching Jeffrey and Mads play on this perfect day. It was one of those beautiful moments, a "life could never be better than this" moment.

And that's when Evelynn vomited 40+ ounces of curdled breast milk into her left ear.


Saturday, June 19, 2010

Evelynn's Birth Story

On Wednesday, June 16th, I went in for my 40 week appointment. I was pretty disappointed to hear that I was still at only 1cm, the same as the past two appointments. I perked up when my OB said he was going to get me to 2cm. The excitement was short-lived, with Dr. H. elbow deep in my vagina (or at least it felt that way), two centimeters just didn't seem worth the effort. I was crampy and uncomfortable after the membrane stripping, so I called off work and headed to Red Lobster with Jeffrey, Mads, Megan and Mason. Contractions started at 8pm, and although they were irregular, they felt... productive. Something was happening. I went to bed and was awoken by a few strong contractions, but was able to go back to sleep.

Thursday, June 17th, my due date. Contractions were still irregular all through the morning. By 2pm, they were not only becoming regular, but pretty uncomfortable. I started timing at 5:22pm. Contractions ranged from two minutes to seven minutes apart, but they were getting stronger so I was almost positive that this would be it. By 7pm, I was dying. I walked, I bounced on a big ball, I swayed, I cried in the bathroom. I called my OB just to give a heads up, I wasn't coming in yet but I would be there some time tonight. I decided now was probably a good time to pack that hospital bag that I had been ignoring. I threw the necessities in a duffel and called my Father around 10pm. Daddy showed up by 10:30, after relaying a few quick instructions and using the counter to hold myself up through an almost unbearable contraction, Jeffrey and I headed to the hospital. Mom was waiting for us when we got there at 11pm. After answering a butt-load of totally off the wall questions from the RN (have you slept with a man who slept with a man since 1979?), Dr. O. came in to check my cervix. Four centimeters! Holy exciting news! Dr. O. asked if I wanted anything for pain, and I told her that I would try to wait it out a little longer. Why? Because I'm an idiot.

June 18th, 12am. Contractions hurt. I needed something to take the edge off, but I really didn't want an epidural with this birth, so I asked for Stadol. I could still feel the contractions, and they definitely still hurt, but I could see two of Jeffrey and three bathroom door-handles so I was OK. Dr. O. came back to check my cervix again. I was now at five centimeters and since my water was about to break on it's own, Dr. O. ruptured the bag. I would say this was around 12:25am. Contractions were back to back and unbearable. This Stadol isn't working! I told the RN that the contractions were way worse now, and I'd like that epidural now please, pretty pretty please. Minutes after she left the room, I had the worst contraction by far, and my body was pushing without me. I told Jeffrey to go find someone before I had this baby with just him and Mom to catch, and suddenly there were nurses all around telling me to stop pushing. I'd love to stop pushing, but that's really not an option. The RN checked me and said, "It's time to have this baby now!" No wonder the contractions hurt, I was at ten centimeters. Uhhh... panic. I'm not ready! I haven't had my epidural yet! "Can I still have my epidural?" She just smiled at me. Bad sign.

The next few minutes were a blur. Dr. O. was pulling on gloves, tables were being pushed around, bright lights and a mirror that I really didn't want to look in were all up in my face. All of this is happening between contractions, so in two minutes or less? And then the next contraction came and everyone else was ready, even if I wasn't. The whole room is yelling "Push!" so I push and holy shit... that really hurts. The head is out. Mom and Jeffrey are oohing and ahhing (look at the hair!). Someone is screaming and making strange animal sounds (it's totally me) and Dr. O. is telling me to push again. I don't want to. "I can't! Can't you just pull her out??" Apparently not. I push again and holy hell... my entire body has been split in two, but the baby is out.

12:57am. Evelynn Grace is born, seven pounds, six ounces and twenty inches long.

Welcome, Kiddo.

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Circus

Mads was a little intimidated by the circus. She hid behind Mommy's dress for at least ten minutes:

Then clung to Daddy for dear life:

Major wedgie woman:

Juggling Micheal Jackson

Shock and awe:

Micheal Jackson juggles fire:

Poor exploited ponies:

This guy called himself a clown:

Poor exploited child (who was fabulous):


Most talented guy in the show:

This guy fell off:

Madelynn's favorite part of the whole circus... $3 balloon.

So it wasn't the Circus McGurkus by any stretch, and I was pretty concerned for my soul when they brought out the eight-year-old, but it was a pretty entertaining couple of hours.